Making it Easier

I was sad when you left me,
Sad to face my first day, alone
And without the shield of your smile
To shade my difficult life, trodding through
An emptier city, a scarier place,
I’m alone in our bed in this house
And in my mind. I don’t mind the way
You did it, “I can’t do this anymore”,
And hurried packing and a cab to take you, off
And up and up and away from me. It’s hard

To be a real man, the man ideal fathers are,
Husbands should be strong and intelligent and
Able to fix autos and plumbing and electronics,
Grease on their foreheads and blood
On their fingernails and still, after a long day
Of working or drinking or both, be sensitive and compassionate,
Caring and kind and tender and sweet, give
More than they take and take it slow, and be gentle
But strong, and always romantic when she
Expects it least. Is it any wonder

We are a nation of adolescent men? Force-fed
Contradictory expectations, multiple personalities for
Multifarious situations, how should I know
When I can admit that I’m sad, or hurt, or when
It’s too much to bear? I’m a bear, you said,
Arms like snakes squeezing me tight, but then
You let go, and left. I’m slowly learning
To express myself. This is my lonliness at work.
This is fucking the cushions of my roommate’s couch while
I imagine you enjoying other men.

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