You’re laying there,
Your hair’s a nimbus,
A jumbled mess around your head,
And my head is spinning,
You’re so fucking sexy,
And my dick is hard,
My pussy’s wet,
Well, actually it’s your pussy,
But you know how “Finders, Keepers” works,
So it’s my pussy now.
Thanks!

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I’m like an animal
Crossed with a parable,
Mixed with a trendy cocktail
Tinged with regret,
You’re like a melody
Combined with an easel,
Blended with sugarplums
Tied to my bed,
While I’m fucking you with my
Right foot,
Left foot,
Right foot,
Left foot,
And so on.
Happy New Year to you, too.

You’re a little teapot,
I’m a small teabag,
Dip me in your waters,
Spray them from your hose,
Make me damp and soggy,
Squelch me with your fingers,
Press me like a clamp,
Squeeze my insides outside,
Fucking hurt me, you sissy!
Be a goddamn stud for once!

And so you went to bed last night,
To bed last night without me;
Without me there, you went to sleep,
Went to sleep without me there.

Without me there, you rubbed and bucked,
Rubbed and bucked against your hand;
Your hand was where my fingers were,
My fingers weren’t there last night.

There, last night, I watched then crept,
Then crept into your darkened room;
Your darkened room, thick with your scent,
Your scent clings to my hands.

My hands are slick, your juices thick,
Thickening all around you,
You broke my fucking heart, Mary, but you
Won’t be double-teaming my black lab and your schnauzer
Any more, will you?
Dead girlfriends can’t cheat on you like that.

You’ve hardly been fucking me,
And I’ve been heartily fucking you,
Dreaming of cherry blossoms and ballroom dancing,
While I’m balling you, making you roomier,
I don’t care where your sex drive went,
As long as you don’t mind me driving it into you,
Three AM and horny,
When the Ambien’s finally kicked in.