Happy birthday, friend Shayna!
Happy Birthday, friend Pete!
Both born on the same day,
(Although not in the street)
But with your Mom’s feet in stirrups!
Pow! What a surprise!
It’s September 23rd, the first day you’re alive!
Now screaming!
Now wailing!
Fast-forward many years!
You’re gross in the desert!
There’s filth in your ears!
Look at you: you’re all grown,
All sorts of counter-culture,
Now think back to those months that you lived in your mother,
Where did that time go?
Tell me, what did you do?
When you swam like a fish in Mom’s placental goo,
But hey, never you mind,
You grew up!
You made good!
Now get drunk and get fucked like adult people do!
Have a happier birthday than the birthday before,
Three loud cheers to you two,
And future birthdays galore!