I’m Going to Get a Broom Handle

I miss your face and how I touched it,
I miss your lips and deep brown eyes,
I miss your legs from when you’re naked,
I miss your ass when clothed in pants,
I miss your hair, all black and pretty,
My hair is black and pretty, too:
Well, it’s your hair, but I have it,
And if you take one step closer to me,
It’s all going in the garbage disposal.
We’ll see who’s hair is pretty then.


I appreciate your hairless legs,
So smooth, pressed up against me,
The rolling curve of your lovely hips,
And your bosom still astounds me;
I wanted to give you a wonderful gift,
So I shaved my legs with your razor,
I ran my fingers up and down,
So sleek, so fine, so sexy,
So I kept shaving on my legs,
‘cause if hairless legs are super nice,
Shouldn’t skinless legs be nicer?

Waking up to find it up,
Poking at the sheets, it looks
Like mini-men are camping,
Relaxing inside this tent I made,
And lo! Come look! Something has wakened,
A creature that hungers! A creature
That lives to destroy crotch-tents! And so:
I’m stabbing at you, stabbing
At you, stabbing at that something
Between your legs that eats my penis,
I love that hungry thing.

How don’t I know what you do,
Walking on your ass-raising heels,
A glance over your shoulder as you
Shut the door, go on now, change
Into something more comfortable,
Whatever that something will be,
I’ll just lay here, patiently, until
You return, heels discarded, legs
Unwrapped of nylon and garter,
Naked, it seems, but look!
You’ve dressed-up your insides tonight,
And that certainly is a nice pressurized
Canister of dried, fruity delights
You’ve got between your legs, isn’t it?