I could not believe
That you are so tight and dry,
But only in front.

My teeth are pretty,
White and straight from dentistry,
Check out all your welts!

You love what you make,
Transferring it by the fistful,
To your gaping mouth.

That meme you sent me,
Intended to disgust all,
I’m Goatse, you know.

I made a mistake:
I thought you would not mind, at
Lake Titicaca

I am doing the fuck with you,
What? No, you keep quiet.

If I loved you
Like I want to love you:
If I loved you all day long;
You couldn’t walk
’cause I’d tear that pussy apart:
Now shut your mouth,
The TV’s on.


I was so in love with you,
We hugged, cuddled, kissed, and
Made love like porn stars do
(in their off-time),
But our love turned South…
When I heard you say something about
Your hermetic legions, I thought it seemed odd,
But herpetic lesions makes much more sense.

Waking up to find it up,
Poking at the sheets, it looks
Like mini-men are camping,
Relaxing inside this tent I made,
And lo! Come look! Something has wakened,
A creature that hungers! A creature
That lives to destroy crotch-tents! And so:
I’m stabbing at you, stabbing
At you, stabbing at that something
Between your legs that eats my penis,
I love that hungry thing.

There’s too many on the bus, baby,
I can’t concentrate on your face,
Our love is fading quickly in this tubular, enclosed place,
They’re getting on in droves, honey,
Their iPods blaring tunes,
Their hip, white jeans exposing curves
That have hardly been used,
I know you think I’m pervy, honey,
I know it makes you sad,
It’s when I jerk my dick at hipsters
That you start to get mad,
But I contend they’re barely people,
I think they’re mostly trends,
And if you’d see the world my way,
You’d be rubbing yourself
While thinking about grown men
Showing off their spindly legs
(by wearing tight, black denim
Like a bunch of sissy bitches):
That’s what I’d do.

You were playing with other peoples’ iPods,
Acting like the DJ, and I know you thought
The Music Master drives the tunes,
Gets the girls, is so cool, makes all the love,
But what you should understand is:
Shut the fuck up with the music you want to play, and
Give the girls the songs they want to dance to,
Because I want to watch them dance and sway,
And you don’t want to find yourself tied up, bruised, and bloody,
Waiting for the day I stop mouth-fucking your face.