My penis ain’t the meanest,
But my dick is plenty mean,
It is a tool of discipline,
To tame your quivering seam,
You act like it’s a monstrous thing:
Veiny, red, and huge,
But I know the truth ’bout my ding,
And huge just isn’t true,
It’s neat, though, look!
It flops about, like it’s a gasping fish,
But you’re the fish. Heh.
I’m supposed to call it pussy.

You’re not making any sense.

I have a penis:
I keep it in my pants;
When they’re filled with honey,
My dong’s covered in ants!

I know me a penis,
Feels like it’s ten feet long,
And when it’s big and swollen,
It’s as wide as it is tall;

I know me a pussy,
I like to call it poon,
And when it gets excited,
You could stir it with a spoon;

I fill it with my penis,
when it’s cold and I feel grim,
So I don’t have to see your face,
I set the lights down dim.

Penis, penis, song about my penis,
Hear about my penis in this song,
Penis, penis, song about my penis,
Sing about my penis all day long,
Penis, penis, song about my penis,
All about my penis in this song;
Hear this, yes this song about my penis,
Writing ‘bout my penis, on and on,
Penis, penis, song about my penis,
Songs about my penis aren’t long.

I want to go hot and heavy with you,
I’d like to do that for a while,
It’s all because of what I see you do,
When you’re all alone, and you stroke
As you smile, and I’m smiling too
Hiding in your closet, panties on my face
Draped from forehead to chin, your
Fingers they play, and your fingers go in,
And I’m sniffing the musk that you
Made with your minge, and as you climax
Sweet darling, I make my appearance,
You lean yourself back on the bed
Right next to my penis: I hover above you,
My dick dangles down, while the shit
That I shoot sprays from waist to
Your crown, now you’re lumpy and brown.

I wish my testes were a speculum,
So I could spread you open,
I wish my penis was corrugated paper,
So I could sop up your organ,
I wish you understood the art I do,
But you said, “Vulgarity for the sake of vulgarity
Isn’t art, it’s nothing,” and so I stewed,
And thought, preemptively lowered my volume,
And whispered, “It’s vulgarity
For the sake of my boner, Baby,
And that’s hardly nothing at all.”

Waking up to find it up,
Poking at the sheets, it looks
Like mini-men are camping,
Relaxing inside this tent I made,
And lo! Come look! Something has wakened,
A creature that hungers! A creature
That lives to destroy crotch-tents! And so:
I’m stabbing at you, stabbing
At you, stabbing at that something
Between your legs that eats my penis,
I love that hungry thing.

If I had your pussy,
I’d put it on my penis,
I’d put it where my mouth lives,
I’d put it in your hole,
If I had your tongue to taste,
I’d lick it ‘till it’s flaccid,
I’d jerk it ‘till it shot loads,
I’d gobble down your seed:
Oh. I meant your dick.
Tongues don’t make sperms.