Crying and screaming and
Throwing things, like lovers do,
And you’re right, I didn’t have to
Slap your stupid, bitch
Face, Tod, that’s true, but
You didn’t have to
Call my dick grody, did you?


Happy birthday, friend Shayna!
Happy Birthday, friend Pete!
Both born on the same day,
(Although not in the street)
But with your Mom’s feet in stirrups!
Pow! What a surprise!
It’s September 23rd, the first day you’re alive!
Now screaming!
Now wailing!
Fast-forward many years!
You’re gross in the desert!
There’s filth in your ears!
Look at you: you’re all grown,
All sorts of counter-culture,
Now think back to those months that you lived in your mother,
Where did that time go?
Tell me, what did you do?
When you swam like a fish in Mom’s placental goo,
But hey, never you mind,
You grew up!
You made good!
Now get drunk and get fucked like adult people do!
Have a happier birthday than the birthday before,
Three loud cheers to you two,
And future birthdays galore!