Remember that song?
When it plays, I think of you:
It’s “Me So Horny”

Once, I thought we clicked,
But I was wrong as butt rape,
And you were wrong, too.

I said I’m sorry,
You are not a urinal:
Sometimes I forget.

It’s my fondue kink:
I’m a rocket fueled by cheese,
And you’re my launch pad.

I don’t hear words like:
“Pleasure me,” or “It’s my turn”
I came. Go to sleep.

It’s not menstrual blood
That’s soaking into my sheets:
Cutting’s not sexy.


A story about a date we went on.

There was a man,
A man’s man,
And I was that man.

There was a lady,
A man’s lady,
And you were that lady,
But I was not that man.

There was a party,
A fancy party,
And you were at that party,
That man was there too,
But you didn’t see me,
Because fancy parties happen in big houses,
And big houses have lots of places to hide.

There was a bar,
An open bar,
And I drank,
And you drank,
But you tipped the bartender,
And I drank for free.

Alcohol is a diuretic,
A diuretic makes you pee,
And you went to pee,
But I was waiting there,
Pounding off behind the shower curtain,
Listening to your sexy waterfall.

Why do I come around?

Well, It’s your eyes, and
Your smile and the shape
Of your boobs,
And I like that you put
Your mouth on my dick,
And we both know that
The best sex,
Is my sex in your sex,
Sexing sexily,
Sexy, sexy, sex-sex-sex

You’re laying there,
Your hair’s a nimbus,
A jumbled mess around your head,
And my head is spinning,
You’re so fucking sexy,
And my dick is hard,
My pussy’s wet,
Well, actually it’s your pussy,
But you know how “Finders, Keepers” works,
So it’s my pussy now.

I appreciate your hairless legs,
So smooth, pressed up against me,
The rolling curve of your lovely hips,
And your bosom still astounds me;
I wanted to give you a wonderful gift,
So I shaved my legs with your razor,
I ran my fingers up and down,
So sleek, so fine, so sexy,
So I kept shaving on my legs,
‘cause if hairless legs are super nice,
Shouldn’t skinless legs be nicer?

I know you like it naked,
Not just when we’re doin’ it,
Or you’re doin’ it with someone else,
But when you’re on the phone, washing dishes,
Scrubbing the head, or picking up after me,
You’re bare-assed and sexy,
You know I like to watch you,
While your brown eye’s watching me,
While I’m staring at your felch hole.