You’re a little teapot,
I’m a small teabag,
Dip me in your waters,
Spray them from your hose,
Make me damp and soggy,
Squelch me with your fingers,
Press me like a clamp,
Squeeze my insides outside,
Fucking hurt me, you sissy!
Be a goddamn stud for once!


There’s too many on the bus, baby,
I can’t concentrate on your face,
Our love is fading quickly in this tubular, enclosed place,
They’re getting on in droves, honey,
Their iPods blaring tunes,
Their hip, white jeans exposing curves
That have hardly been used,
I know you think I’m pervy, honey,
I know it makes you sad,
It’s when I jerk my dick at hipsters
That you start to get mad,
But I contend they’re barely people,
I think they’re mostly trends,
And if you’d see the world my way,
You’d be rubbing yourself
While thinking about grown men
Showing off their spindly legs
(by wearing tight, black denim
Like a bunch of sissy bitches):
That’s what I’d do.